How much is that doggy in the window???

I met my future yesterday, and it was quite an emotional experience. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love dogs, my own Zeke (aka Zekers, Ezekiel Daniel, Lumpy, Meathead, Knucklehead, Nigel, Hairy Trotter) in particular. My family never had any pets until Zeke came to live with us when I was 25. I had 2 blessed years with him before moving away to college. The void that was left in my life was huge, like he rounded me out (completed me perhaps?).

Recently, I came up with a new goal that proceeded graduation. I would graduate in the spring, find a job and go on the search for my very first dog-- one to call my own. Zeke is a great dog, but he should stay with my parents because I don't know who would take the separation worse: Zeke or Dad. So, knowing that graduation is in my sights, I started tentatively looking. Not a very big fan of unpredictable puppies, I have been on the pages of the local Humane Society website looking for an older, more established dog. When I got into work yesterday, my coworker Jesse pointed out that a German Shepherd arrived. We pulled up the website and Gator popped up:

He looked like such a good dog that I had to go meet him. My timeline was prepared to be obliterated, as my heart was involved. Yet, there is no way I can have a dog at Cathy's house. So before I took my lunch to meet Gator, Jesse, who has been looking for a companion dog for his, offered that he and his wife would keep the dog at their house until I graduated. Knowing that he would probably get attached and want to keep doggy if I got him, I went to the shelter and was open to seeing if Gator was a good dog for me now, and for Jesse's family later. Adoption seemed like the way to go, as the special "Dogs Days Of Summer," special is on and adults dogs are only $25.

What I expected was that it would be hard to visit this dog and walk away if he was a good dog, but what I did not expect was the rows and rows of kennels of barking dogs, waiting, wagging, and pleading with doggy eyes for you to take them. When the lady brought me to Gator's kennel-- at the very end -- then left me there alone, I almost panicked. As I thought, Gator was adorable, and he gently picked up his ball and wanted to play immediately. My eyes took him in... he was so incredibly skinny and he seemed weary, but his tail slowly wagged back and forth, like he didn't want to get his hopes up either. I started reading Gators stats-- he was brought in from a family on Monday who had too many pets to keep him. He turned 3 on Tuesday. He hates cats (+1 for Gator), and came from a family of 7 kids, ages 3-14.

I knelt down and my voice cracked as I asked him to bring his ball to me. I looked around and all the dogs around were watching me. I snapped this photo:

...and then I lost it completely in the middle of the cold cement room. Tears poured down my face and I wanted to move heaven and earth to be the rescuer that these dogs were looking for. Trying to compose myself, I promised my canine audience that I would do what I could, when I could. When I heard people come into the kennel, I put my sunglasses on hoping that they covered my puffy eyes. I went to the front desk and asked for a visitation with Gator. He came into the visitation room and just wanted to be constantly petted. Still, I sat there crying trying to not look crazy to the passing staff. Putting a call into Jesse, I said that would start the adoption "hold" paperwork so that he and his family could go in today to meet Gator. Honestly, I was not quite sold because I needed Jesse's family to give the green light, and then there were a ton of details to iron out before really making a decision.

As I filled out paperwork in the room with Gator, a worker came in excited that perhaps I wanted to take him, telling me what a good dog he was. "He is one to go out the front door, and not out the back door, if you know what I mean," he said, and I when I realized what he meant, I wanted to throw up all over my shoes.

The short of it is, when I went back to the front desk with my paperwork, everything checked out, except that Jesse and Andrea have an 18 month old daughter. Gator was slated for a home with kids for 12 and up. "No way," they said. I asked what would happened if the family came in to meet him and the parents were comfortable with the adoption. "Still no. You can't buy a dog here, we place them into an ideal home." This made me sad, that these dogs had so many stipulations. It did not make sense to me that anyone can go and buy a dog, but for dogs already alive there was a screening process. When I translated this to the human world, it short-circuited my mind. Yesterday was hard, but in the end I knew that the "no" meant that it was not the right time with the right dog. God knows where I will be in 8 months, and a dog might not work in that plan.

Anyone else want to adopt Gator? He needs some loves and food as soon as possible. It hurts my heart. Because of this, I know that my future will be working with dogs, in whatever capacity is revealed to me. I predict that this side of ten years from now I will be the creepy dog lady, rescuing dogs and giving them to celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres. If you want to see how hard I cried, refer to her videos on youtube.

p.s. I already know how Phelps's bid for #8 gold turns out before it is even shown on the west coast, thanks to Yahoo. I am beyond irritated.

p.p.s. Tonight I am missing my 10-year reunion. Where did the time go??? Quick, someone tell me how young I look.