Final Kisses

Zsa Zsa was not there to wake me up this morning.

She was not there to sit and watch me put on makeup.

She was not there to beg for some of my bacon.

She was not underfoot when I went to do laundry.
She did not bring me the ball while I worked out on the floor.

She did not eat the cheese that I dropped in the kitchen...
And now she is not sleeping on my lap while I type away.

My room smells like her.

Her favorite chew toy sits neglected on my dresser.

Watching TV is lonelier and colder.

There was no happy greeting when I walk in the door.

No more kisses on my neck.

My socks are now safe from harm.

I can eat ice cream in peace.

And I hate it. I hate it so much that I want to scream. I want her to be underfoot, in my way, begging, needing to be let outside, wanting my attention all the time, running up and down the hallway between the living room and mine. Yes, please tear up the bathroom! I can clean it up, and it's not a problem because that means you're here. The silence is threatening to suffocate me.

My window is lonely, too. It never gets watched anymore.

I can't bring myself to move the blanket where she loved to sit. Instead, I have to try and regain some semblance of sanity and continue on in this journey that does not permit time to mourn. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to do justice to her memory to repay her for melting my heart.

For my Star Wars fans, I have to believe that Zeke and Zsa Zsa are still close by.

Zsa Zsa, you are preciousness personified. If I could change things, I would. If anger could bring you back, you'd be here. If love was life support, I could have kept you alive. Three ladies will never be the same because of you. Goodbye my lovely little girl.