Before The Refining there was: The Weekend

This is an old photo I found on my phone, but you have got to see Tommy say cheese!

Friday night we had Tommy over because Laura and Mick were still sick. Grandma gave him a bath, but Auntie (me) styled his hair.

Saturday morning Dad went outside to go and wash cars and Tommy "helped." Sophie wanted to be outside too, and Dad assured me that he had this covered. I came outside to find Sophie rigged to an extension cord so that she could roam about the yard. My Dad is just the best.

Tommy grew weary of the sun and came in. I can't believe how much he can move or how much he gets in to. The energy is astounding. Mom and I put him on Mallory's bed since she was out of town and said "shhhh, nap time!" He laid back, loving the new game...

And then I think he really wanted to stay there and go to sleep!

Saturday afternoon, I drove to Walnut Creek to visit Diana and Jason for the night. I still wasn't feeling too strong yet but Di said, "Just get here and I'll take care of you." It sounded great. Yet, in the first two minutes of getting there, I let Sophie off the leash and walked into the backyard. Sophie ran back into the house. A minute later, I went back inside the house to see why she didn't follow me out back. We couldn't find her. Jason said "I just closed the front door," and we realized that she had gone out the front door before he closed it. The next 3 minutes were panic, running up the driveway yelling and whistling for her, not knowing how quickly she might get into the street. I ran back inside for my keys and when I came out, Di was walking toward me, Sophie in her arms. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to ruin the 24 hours I had to visit, so I just kissed Puppy and thanked Di. Sophie had come from the other side of the house straight to Diana's arms. Thank. God. Anyway, that expended all the energy I had left.

We lunch and a movie for a quiet afternoon. That evening I got to go with them to a friends birthday party: "Nik-toberfest", which was cool because I knew Nik and his wife from when I lived there last summer. We didn't stay late because we had church the next morning.

On Sunday, it had started to drizzle and Diana decided to dress like she was from England (she exclaimed she looked like a member of British parliament) and her new clear umbrella just put it over the top.

Church was good and I got to see my Concord landlord-turned-friend, the Moutiers. And, as my facebook told you all yesterday, Jason and Di took me to visit their young married's Sunday School class to introduce me to some of their friends. It was packed with friendly people, all with flashing rings. After about 5 minutes, I leaned over and whispered to Di, "We have to get out of here. It's like there's a scarlet 'S' on my chest'" ("S" standing for single...). I wasn't prepared for my self-conscious reaction-- everyone was more than friendly, but I felt like I stood out. I flashed back to the last time I had gone to a Tyler Perry movie in the theater by myself. It was that feeling all over again.

Di and I before I left for home. Sophie came with me, safe and sound. Look, she's dressed British too!
On Monday, Mal went to the pumpkin patch with Tommy and his daycare. She had off, the lucky duck, but she got some great shots of the cutest cheeks ever. Not hers, Tommy's.

I loved this weekend. It was very much needed. Things haven't been going very well and I've been in a mental battle with myself, or perhaps a better way to put it is the I am being spiritually attacked. From almost all sides. There is no other way for me to defeat this without acknowledging that I have no power and to turn to the Lord. My job is great, but I received a promotion and now I am in full transition over to the new position. It a blessing, but it comes at a time where my living situation is just as precarious. Also, normally stable people in my life are going through big changes and I'm hoping that I still fit in somewhere. As predicable as I like things to be, I have been asking for much grace and flexibility as of late (from the Lord and from others). This season is very difficult for me to find joy in. I'm feeling very much 30.

Carrie Bradshaw once said, "It’s sometimes said that, in New York City, you can have a good job, a good apartment and a good companion—but not all three at the same time." I used to think I was lucky to have two out of three. But now I am struggling with the fact that none of these things are set (Sophie, you're a great companion, don't get me wrong. I'm still looking for a good companion though...). My identity is not in any one of these things, and yet I feel like I have lost my sense of self without them.

It's causing me to reflect on who I am at my most basic and what purpose I carry without things, titles, or walls around me. It's very humbling.

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.